The Deep Profound Shit Series: That mandatory Christmas post.

Fine, the pile of draft entries is not getting any smaller and is starting to moulder but here I am writing another entry. Being half in the bag is another argument not to write, considering I do my best to be an OC bitch when it comes to grammar and stuff but what the hell. Considering my gift for myself this year, this post will serve as an affirmation of that.

Ok, what’s your Christmas gift to yourself? Gear? Toys? Make-up? Something tangible, material or what? I’ve no money, so scratch the gear part. I’m not really into toys nowadays; not even the grown-up version called collectibles so scratch that too. Make-up we can obviously skip. 

Mine was the gift of my self.

WTF I know. But consider - how many of you have your self with you now? With the hustle and bustle of this materialistic, gotta-have-that world do you have time for your self? Take note, not ‘yourself’. Your self. The you that you know, that you really are. Not the you that the world sees or knows. Not your body, your self. Your officemates may know you as a party animal that boinks every skirt that passes your radar in all the parties you’ve been dragged into (in the name of solidarity and camaraderie no less) but in reality you’re a person who’d rather listen to Bach and George Winston’s ‘Theme to Grace/Lament’, sit back and read a book during your down time. You’re a foul-mouthed, hooch-swinging, brash, rough person in the eyes of your clique but in reality you’re a homebody who’d rather just stay home and clean the room up. To the bosses you’re a machine who lives, breaths and eats work 24/7; in reality you want to go climb the nearest mountain whenever you can, stare at the sunrise/set and wonder over existentialist lines. You get the picture yes? You may not even be happy with the you that the whole world sees yet you’re forced to be that because people won’t like you otherwise. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Fine, this concept of your self as a gift is so selfish. But honestly - how can you give to others if you don’t tend to yourself first? There is no such thing as true altruism. Altruistic people are altruistic because they get an ego fuck every time people appreciate them. But that kind of ego fucking is like hitting on drugs - a certain dosage can only go so far and you’ll start asking for more. And when there is no more, you will implode. Same with love. Same with friendships.

So. Do yourself and the world a favor this year. Find your self and hopefully, be a better person because of that. Or at the least, you’d be truly happy.

Merry Christmas.