[Depression] Day 1: 0042H, 062008. The first night is the crappiest*

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[Depression] Day 1: 0042H, 062008. The first night is the crappiest*

June 27, 2008

This would be the first night. I may never know how you felt during the first few nights after you’ve decided to pull the plug on ‘us’, but i don’t think sleep came easy for you then. Me, I don’t have any illusions that sleep will come easy for me tonight, or for any night soon for that matter. You know how i feel now while trying to sleep? Ria Bautista of Paramita describes this night (and the coming ones) best, in so many ways.

all this time
i’ve been thinking about
the way we used to play
you’re everywhere i go
i can’t escape you
when i close my eyes i see you
even in my sleep i dream of you
i miss you

can we put the blame on the changing times
where have all the years gone by…?

- ‘carousel’, paramita

hatinggabi, ‘di mapakali
pikit mga mata ngunit
ang aking isip ay
hindi mapalagay
tulungan mo akong limutin ka

ako ba ang nagkamali?

at sa iyong paghimlay
buhay ko’y biglang tumamlay
lihim kong dinaramdam ang iyong paglisan
bakas sa aking mata
kay rami ko bang hindi nasabi?

ako ba ang nagkamali?

maari bang sabihin sa iyo
‘yakapin, yakapin mo ako’?
at kung hindi mabigyan
ng isang pagkakataon
maari bang ipagpaliban
ang iyong paglisan?

- ‘paglisan’, paramita

I feel like an old man missing his wife who just passed away. I stil look for you in the house; I still feel your kiss on my lips, your body pressed on my back as you comfort me with a hug from behind; I still hear your voice; I still feel your warmth on the other side of the bed; I still reach for you during the night; I still feel your hand in mine, I miss looking at your sleeping face, giving me the simple joy of knowing everything will be fine in the morning when I wake up… I miss you bad, my dearest love. Three years isn’t exactly long by some standards, but those three years, even if they were hard at times, were my happiest for i was with you.

(A/N: * - from a Sheryl Crow song ‘The first cut is the deepest’. In this case, that also holds true)

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Ongoing series

Note: for new visitors - unless they're one-shots, do read back for the first entries. You're liable not to understand what the hell is happening already.

There are B-sides to every story

    Truth be told, I've known for a few years already how big a mistake it was when I picked one course over the other when I qualified for both of them in a certain state university. Even now I kick myself in the nuts at least once everyday for that lousy call. And the fact that it's infeasible (and rather stupid) to back out now rubs more salt to the still-sore nuts. Salted eggs anyone?

    Because of that, my Muse went on a no-shit, no-holds-barred, no-retreat-no-surrender strike. Creativity died; it even held a funeral for itself in disgust and flipped me the finger from its grave.

    But things are making its way out of the crypt. Bits and pieces of plots have been visiting me during unlikely hours - while staring at lines of code, while taking a dump and freezing my butt off in the process, in my dreams. It seems the Muse is back, albeit begrudgingly. Coincidence? Maybe not.

That mandatory disclaimer on copyright

It's simple actually - I wrote the stuff here unless credited or attributed to others. Steal this shit and die. Plagiarize the posts here and you will suffer a slow, horrible death. You can, however, use the posts here in its unchanged form (as-is, where-is), either in excerpts or in its entirety, as long as you credit the author - i.e. me. Hot-linking is more than welcome - just put a link directing people here to make everybody happy.

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Whatever you want is fine by me

Ghostly writings on the walls

the Boy Scout:: Dood! You were so right on with your pros + cons about this site. But you forgot 1 thing, dood. Dotph is so damn popular that if you google your blogname it won’t even come out in the results. Yeah, that famous, dood! Rock on!!!!!!
AlessandriaOng:: -gasp- you found me! x] lol yes i’ve been visiting your abode quite a few times but it seems that you have yet to update it. i do hope the muse comes back and begs you for forgiveness!
arc:: @AlessandriaOng Wow. Blast from the past. Haven’t been there since… forever. LOL, I’m not even sure if I had an account there XD
AlessandriaOng:: do you mind if i ask under what penname you write in fanfiction.net? : )
arc:: @AlessandriaOng hi there, welcome to my humble abode. Thank you for the kind words. Feel free to look around; just don’t mind the dust.
AlessandriaOng:: The way you weave simple words into vivid imagery simply delights me. Love it!
pia:: keep it up. I’m reading.
arc:: @christa - why welcome to my rather humble abode. yep, IMO this setup has more pros than cons, but that’s just me. i really hope the things i’ve posted made sense haha. enjoy your stay here.
Christa:: I guess having your own account here is a lot better than fanfiction.net in many ways. Very creative writing style, I like it.
Ancia:: reminds me of alice in wonderland.
Vera:: antiseptic is good. it’s clean alright.
arc:: i’d say antiseptic. or maybe even minimalist. welcome to my little cesspool of so-called literary efforts.
Vera:: it’s so.. white. and cold.

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