[Depression] Day 1: 0042H, 062008. The first night is the crappiest*
June 27, 2008This would be the first night. I may never know how you felt during the first few nights after you’ve decided to pull the plug on ‘us’, but i don’t think sleep came easy for you then. Me, I don’t have any illusions that sleep will come easy for me tonight, or for any night soon for that matter. You know how i feel now while trying to sleep? Ria Bautista of Paramita describes this night (and the coming ones) best, in so many ways.
all this time
i’ve been thinking about
the way we used to play
you’re everywhere i go
i can’t escape you
when i close my eyes i see you
even in my sleep i dream of you
i miss youcan we put the blame on the changing times
where have all the years gone by…?
- ‘carousel’, paramita
hatinggabi, ‘di mapakali
pikit mga mata ngunit
ang aking isip ay
hindi mapalagay
tulungan mo akong limutin kaako ba ang nagkamali?
at sa iyong paghimlay
buhay ko’y biglang tumamlay
lihim kong dinaramdam ang iyong paglisan
bakas sa aking mata
kay rami ko bang hindi nasabi?ako ba ang nagkamali?
maari bang sabihin sa iyo
‘yakapin, yakapin mo ako’?
at kung hindi mabigyan
ng isang pagkakataon
maari bang ipagpaliban
ang iyong paglisan?- ‘paglisan’, paramita
I feel like an old man missing his wife who just passed away. I stil look for you in the house; I still feel your kiss on my lips, your body pressed on my back as you comfort me with a hug from behind; I still hear your voice; I still feel your warmth on the other side of the bed; I still reach for you during the night; I still feel your hand in mine, I miss looking at your sleeping face, giving me the simple joy of knowing everything will be fine in the morning when I wake up… I miss you bad, my dearest love. Three years isn’t exactly long by some standards, but those three years, even if they were hard at times, were my happiest for i was with you.
(A/N: * - from a Sheryl Crow song ‘The first cut is the deepest’. In this case, that also holds true)
